Author Archives: Jessica

It’s been a long road (13 years if you count in my 11 years at Dorsey), but I finally managed to climb all the way from associate of Dorsey to contract partner of Oppenheimer to equity partner of Oppenheimer the other day. I have endless old and recent examples of crazy stories of things I’ve done to …

Continue reading “Long Road”

“I never keep track of what day it is.  I don’t even know what year it is.”

“One time today I accidentally forgot to wipe my butt.”

Jude: “Mom!  Asher threw up and then he thought it looked gross so he spit on it.  Now he’s standing on it so no one sees it.” Me: “Okay. Let me go deal with this throw up, spit on it, stand on it situation.”

“You’re the best mom ever.  Also the prettiest.  Cuz have you ever seen a mom prettier than you?”  (Ahhhh!  What a sweetie!)

So, a downside to the fancy glass front door that Andy installed recently became apparent last night. I was strolling down the stairs that face the front door in my skin tight black maternity leggings, with cozy, oversized zebra-patterned maternity shirt (an ensemble not fit for public view) when I stopped dead in my tracks, …

Continue reading “No Soliciting! And, that applies to you too, Boy Scout!”

You’d maybe think the 3 Olson boys would just be clones of each other.  While in some cases it’s true, they are very much different.  Here’s some things that se them apart from each other: Most likely to turn the other cheek when a brother is mistreating him — Levi Most likely to bully his …

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“The baby is my princess baby sister.”

So, today Jude randomly started calling himself “Argentina Butt Face.”  I expressed my confusion as to why he’d want to give himself such a crazy name.  He said that he’d show me why and said that Argentina Butt Face first smacks you in the butt and then in the face.  Jude (who has an impressive …

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To me: “Your heart’s not beeping, but you are still alive.”