I have kept a journal since I was in 2nd grade. I don’t write everyday. I don’t write every week. Sometimes I don’t write for several weeks or months. It depends on my mood. But, still, I happen to have almost finished filling the pages of my 22nd journal. I like reading what I wrote in the past. Most of the time, reading my words brings back memories or feelings that I had almost forgotten. Here are some excerpts of things I wrote in my journal fairly recently:
On November 17, 2003 (exactly 3 months before I met Andy):
I have the hope that God is just about bursting open with excitement to present my future husband to me. I�m ready and waiting!!!
On January 29, 2004:
Andy is awesome!!!
On February 9, 2004:
I think I�m going to marry Andy.
On February 11, 2004 (3:41 a.m.):
Can�t sleep. Can�t do much except think about Andy. Think about him at work so not billing much time. I adore Andy. I feel like I�m starting to fall in love with him. He makes me laugh. He has drawn me closer to God. Seems so weird that I may have finally found �the one� I have been waiting for. I�m so thrilled about the idea of marriage.
On February 28, 2004:
Moments last night when I wondered if I was falling in love with Andy. He is so wonderful. Sweet. Gentle. Fun. Makes me laugh. Adores me. Freaky – I just read the list of what I want in a husband from October 2003 and it seems like Andy fits the bill. If he is �the one,� this is crazy cool!! Go God!
On March 13, 2004:
I think I am in love with or falling in love with Andy. He makes me feel so good. He makes me laugh. He understands me. He always says the right things. He sends chills up and down my spine.
On June 27, 2004:
Today we entered Phase 2.5. [Phase 1 � getting to know each other; Phase 2 � dating/courtship; Phase 3 � engagement; Phase 4 � marriage.] 1.5 more �til he�s mine! Phase 2.5 happened because we decided to get a family cell phone plan.
I love Andy so much. He has the best personality. He makes me happy. He makes me laugh. He knows all sorts of stuff. He entertains me. He understands me. He loves me for who I am. I want to be with Andy! I want to be his companion for life. I want to be his wife, his helper, his friend, and the mother of his children. I want to laugh with him and to make him happy. I want to love him and be loved by him forever. I want to never lose him and to always be with him. I want to cuddle with him and to fall asleep next to him and wake up and find him next to me in the morning. I want to shower him with attention and to treat him so well. I want him to always know what a blessing he is to me.