Andy & Jessica

So, a downside to the fancy glass front door that Andy installed recently became apparent last night. I was strolling down the stairs that face the front door in my skin tight black maternity leggings, with cozy, oversized zebra-patterned maternity shirt (an ensemble not fit for public view) when I stopped dead in my tracks, screamed and retreated to the upstairs. There was what appeared to be a man standing outside my front door who hadn’t apparently noticed the “no soliciting” sign and who also hadn’t announced his presence through a door bell ring or a knock. The boys were naturally running around in their underpants and I had to tell them to get some pants on and get away from the front door. In spite of my scream, the man-like figure kept standing there, silent, not knocking or ringing. My boys were excitedly reporting back that the man was actually a boy scout with some wreaths. I tried to talk Andy into dealing with it. After all, I wasn’t dressed for answering the door, had thoroughly embarrassed myself and live by the motto that nothing good comes from answering the door. Andy was firmly standing behind his “no soliciting” sign and refused to answer. Finally, Jude cracked open the window and told the boy scout that his parents were too scared to answer the door. At that point, I’d say I was too embarrassed. The boy scout loaded up some marketing materials in our mail box and finally left. Now I can only hope that I don’t know that kid or his parents.

You’d maybe think the 3 Olson boys would just be clones of each other.  While in some cases it’s true, they are very much different.  Here’s some things that se them apart from each other:

• Most likely to turn the other cheek when a brother is mistreating him — Levi
• Most likely to bully his brothers — Asher
• Most likely to tattle — Jude
• Most likely to use potty words/smack talk — Asher
• Most likely to ask me to snuggle with him — Jude
• Most likely to follow me into the bathroom — 3 way tie
• Most likely to ask for ice cream for breakfast — Jude or Asher
• Most likely to grab candy without asking — Jude
• Most likely to say sorry when he hurts himself doing something he shouldn’t — Levi
• Most likely to make a gigantic mess — Jude
• Most likely to listen — none of them
• Most likely to treat the baby like a princess — all of them
• Most likely to give me a kiss – Asher
• Most likely to call me a pretty girl — Asher
• Most likely to try to convince me that I don’t look fat — Jude
• Most likely to cry when I leave for work in the morning – Jude
• Most likely to talk me into anything — Jude
• Most likely to run the show — Jude
• Most likely to follow – Levi
• Most likely to grow up to be a diplomat — Levi
• Most likely to grow up to be a boxer — Asher
• Most likely to be polite — Levi

 

 

“The baby is my princess baby sister.”

So, today Jude randomly started calling himself “Argentina Butt Face.”  I expressed my confusion as to why he’d want to give himself such a crazy name.  He said that he’d show me why and said that Argentina Butt Face first smacks you in the butt and then in the face.  Jude (who has an impressive power of persuasion) then convinced his brothers they needed to purchase from him the right to call themselves Argentina Butt Face.  Levi offered $5 for the right to call himself “Argentina Butt Face.”  Asher offered up $100.  Then Jude spent the entire ride to karate convincing Asher that $100 wasn’t really enough for the right to use a name that cool and he talked Asher into paying him $400,000, which Jude warned him he would be paying for the rest of his life.  This was all in spite of the fact that I warned Asher that Jude didn’t have a trademark on the name and was totally scamming him.

To me: “Your heart’s not beeping, but you are still alive.”

Baby is doing good and scheduled to come out in 50 some days.  I had to stop by the Practice Group Managing Partner’s office to let him know my plans for leave.  I walked in there decked out in standard maternity garb and just assumed, since I’ve not made myself a stranger around the office these past 31 weeks, that he just knew the news.  It wasn’t until I was 10 minutes into chatting with him that he finally admitted that he had no clue I was pregnant.  I spent the next day feeling really good about myself, especially when coupled with another comment from someone at work that this must be my first since I was too young to have other children.  Then another colleague heard that crazy story about the guy who had no clue I was pregnant and said, “Did he think you had swallowed a watermelon?”  That brought me down to earth in no time.

“The one thing I don’t like about watching “The Flash” is that the boys have to spend the next hour afterwards pretending that they can run faster than the speed of light.”

This pregnancy is flying by.  I’ve been so busy with work and so stressed out generally that I haven’t been able to really think about it.  Andy has been replacing the carpeting with hardwood floors, but as a result, the house is a complete disaster zone since no one cleans it.  I don’t have time to clean it.  I work all day, run the kids to activities at night and then do remaining lessons with the boys, all while continuing to work until bedtime.  But, this baby is not waiting for us to have a clean house.  The latest is that she will be born on December 4th, which is only 59 days away.  I was hoping for December 11th, my mom’s birthday, but that was too close to my real due date.  Then I was hoping for December 7th, the day that will live in infamy, but that apparently was too close to my due date as well.  Hoping my life gets under control and that I’ll be able to take maternity leave, but only time will tell.

So, it’s Saturday and I’m working today from home.  Nothing really unusual about that.  Asher is being a stinker.  Nothing really unusual about that.  I need it quieter and Asher needs a nap.  I ask Andy if he can lay down with Asher and he responds, “I don’t have the energy for that, ” and he walks away.  Hum…

“Mommy, would you please come sleep with me?  I’m starving for you!”